many wrongs make a blog post

Recent tweets (harvested by hand):

Could they make a dog toy that squeaks in a range only dogs hear?
 

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"Turn on notifications or skip for now." For now? For NOW??

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You can't even buy calling birds nowadays. You can only rent a calling bird plan.

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Today I beat Wordle by not playing.

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[photos of decorative apples made of alabaster or onyx] I was looking more for a pomme granite.

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No, I feel okay. I just feel like going outside and eating a bunch of grass is all.

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Woe is me. Murray now believes 100% that any time I whistle, it means I'm calling him to go out, even if he was just out. So now, any time I'm exuberant enough to whistle, I'm gaslighting my best buddy.

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Eric Idle's sortabiography has a story of the aftermath of the attack on George and Olivia by that creep. George was lying on a gurney, bleeding, and the new housekeeper reported for work. She looked on, utterly apalled, and George said "So, what do you think of the job so far?"

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When I buy anything snacky, I take the precaution of figuring out how much fat is in the whole thing. Sometimes unlikely, but always good to know.

Kudos to Dove ice cream bons on that score. I looked at the info, and serving size is THE WHOLE BOX OF, LIKE, TWENTY. Hardcore FTW.

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I sat in an empty room at a con where I was the event, and suffered the social awkwardness of deciding whether to start talking when someone looked in.

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five tweets (May 2020)

Kip Williams sort of

@kiptw

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A regular reminder that I wouldn't have to think about deleting apps I use all the time if Android would let me delete the built-ins I have never touched, or even just move some of these space hogs off the internal drive and onto my SD card.

Please?

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The beef bibimbap bowls at Trader Joe's that I like so much were gone for a while for retooling. Whenever I'm opening one, it occurs to me the change was undoubtedly the glue that holds the box shut. "To hell with this pansy-ass gorilla glue! I want the stuff barnacles use!"

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Bear Lobby: "You keep saying these people were killed by bears, and it's just a lie! This guy fell out a window to his death when a bear chased him. This guy had a fatal heart attack while being mauled by a bear. This woman drove off the road when a bear got in her jeep..."

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"Metaphor? Parable?" "Well," she hesitated. "A fictional construct: shepherd, sheep and all those allusions." "Simile?" "I just didn't think it was... literal." An angelic voice said "You two are next." Glancing back at the milling flock, they ascended the chute. #MicroSFFH

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A train of thought: Ripping Yarns was a hilarious show that dealt with a dissection and reassembly of classic boy's stories ("Boy's Own," wasn't it?). Why doesn't someone do a version of it for girl's stories? 

But, hell, there are plenty of talented "gals" out there who know a lot more than I do on this subject and could probably find the right aspect of it for a truly ripping deconstruction. Assuming they haven't already. I mean, what do I know? I don't even live in the UK!

But I do think I'd enjoy to see a half dozen or so prime individual tales subverting the standard tropes of fiction designed to pry the hard-won non-decimal pennies from the clutches of the young girls of Britain. Won't someone do this for me? Also, send me money. Thanks.

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(The last one is three threaded tweets, last seen in the twelve days of Christmas, which is how one steps around the 280-character limit. Watch this space for more creative reuse of my stale old material!)

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