On The Set

"You don't need an invisible god threatening you with Hell to live a moral life." I said on a social network. "You only have to believe, as I have since youth, that you are the star of your own TV show. Now, if you will pardon me, I have to sing my background music."

As usual, it was true. When I was four and traipsing around the block (and in later days, to neighboring ones), I was The No. Because why not. Somewhere in there, I remember drawing a flashlight on a tiny chalkboard, with "THE" in front of it, and this was a logo for The Flashlight, but I never was The Flashlight, you see. I was The No, and I hum-sung the theme, roughly to the tune of the chorus of The Erie Canal (14 tons).

The No
Is a comin', comin', comin',
The No
Is a comin' to your town
You can always tell your neighbor
You can always tell your friend
That the No's moving pictures
Are never gonna end.

Or maybe aren't a-comin' to an end. I had alternate versions, which is another story. Not sure what The No's essential nature was, apart from being mine. Not sure what The No did, apart from walking around whilst pondering how good I must look from the camera's point of view.

I also did Magic Man one time, for the duration of one iconic pose. Got the shot? One and done! Classic.

Uncle Don vocalized wherever he went. There's a photo of him in a stroller with his mouth joyfully wide to its greatest circle, and he told me "I was probably singing. Maw said I was always singing a little tuneless son, happy as anything." Similar, but not a theme song. Not a TV show (or, considering the exact wording of the song, an endless series of motion pictures*).

Scoff if you will, but it keeps me on the straight and narrow. In keeping with the times, there's barely a shred of the theme music (though it's alluded to frequently when Our Hero goes over or near the ubiquitous Erie Canal, for instance), and the camera work is fashionably wobbly. Once in a while, another character is featured prominently. This never used to happen!

Hey, I know what! Maybe our shows could do a guest thing. Nothing big, just maybe a quick cameo. Those are great for ratings.

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* I remember pretending once, at that age, in that particular yard, that I'd just invented motion pictures, by putting a bunch of slides on a turntable (tangent to the rim) and shining a light through. Even then, I knew that wouldn't quite work, but I also knew on some level that we were kids playing a game, and it wasn't going to have to stand up to scrutiny from the Royal Academy. 

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