THE GREAT AMERICAN SPORT

 

PRIVILEGEBALL:

A competitive game for two teams.

Each team to be composed of a dozen players of any ethnicity.
The team will eventually end up consisting almost entirely of minority members.

In addition, each team has a Star Captain, who must be a white male of means,
accustomed to giving orders. .

The object of the game is for the Star Captain of a team to put a medicine ball in a receptacle
that’s about seven feet from the ground, not very different from a basketball court setup.

The Star Captain is to be seated in a chair of specified construction (comfortable) at all times. 

 

The SC is to be carried in the chair at all times. His feet are not to touch the floor of the court. 

 

The chair’s feet are not to touch the floor of the court. 

 

The height of the receptacle is awkwardly high so that the team will need to raise him enough
to place the ball inside without taking his bottom off the chair.

Conventions of the game:

The SC is, of course, the only player on a team who can score, and by design should be
the only player who is credited with achieving success. 

 

To help in this aim, the team members are differentiated as little as possible, 

and their names are not shown prominently on their drab uniforms. 

 

Bless their hearts, they wouldn’t know what to do with it if we gave it to them.

The team ends up consisting mostly of ethnic minorities after a while, as individuals who are 

used to enjoying privilege off the field tend to resent losing them in the game. 

 

They also get sore about the pay, despite the strict injunction against discussing it.

The team often ends up practicing without the SC, as the glamorous life of an important player 
sometimes requires these sacrifices in order to carry out the vital social responsibilities 
of a leading athlete. 

 

At these times, the team uses a weighted mannequin that flops about 
realistically to stand in for the SC. They usually get more done at these practices anyway,
for some reason.

Benefits of the game:

The fact that SC is the only one who can score proves just how valuable SC types 

are in society. It’s a metaphor.

 

.