A Defeated Supervillain Clarifies

Listen, I'm a villain, sure,
I've done a few bad things
Killed pizza guys I should've tipped,
Gave girls exploding rings.
I've tortured friends to steal their stuff
And enemies for fun.
But please, don't say I kicked a dog
Cause that's not how I run.

It's true I ran fake charities
To profit off of death
And my polluting factories
Were also selling meth.
I bought your representative
With loot from quacks I flog
But I swear on my mother's grave
I wouldn't hurt a dog!

The explanation's no big deal,
I simply tried to go
From my desk to the oubliette
Where I had stashed my foe
I turned en route to choose a laser
From several in the crypt
The dog was underneath a chair.
My foot just sort of slipped.

Anyway, that's all it was,
I misstepped. Kind of dark.
I didn't know the guy was there
Until I heard him bark.
And now, I know, I'll have to pay
For my crime-laden slog
But be fair when you tell my tale:
I did not kick the dog.