Sleeping Beauty

 There's a particular Fractured Fairy Tale I am inordinately fond of. It's a bit of a departure, and you'll soon see why.

The beginning simply recounts that she went to sleep and all that. The cartoon picks up right away when they introduce the Prince.

He talks like Phil Silvers, but this (card-carrying!) prince looks like the King of Cartoons himself. And don't just take my word for it, but witness his actions.

He starts toward kissing her, then realizes: "I could be throwing away a GOLD MINE! Awake, she's just another princess, but asleep..."

 

Visions of Sleeping Beauty wigs, Sleeping Beauty dolls, Sleeping Beauty BUBBLE GUM!

 

So, just like that, SLEEPING BEAUTYLAND is born, and cars full of people throng the gates.

"MOATLAND! Have your X coupons ready, please!"

"Welcome to ENTRY HALL LAND! Y coupons, please!"

STAIR LAND is, unsurprisingly, a Z coupon attraction.

We don't find out what kind of coupon you have to have to see Sleeping Beauty Herself.

"DOZE DOLL DUZ WIZ BIZ" --Variety "One million one... one million two..." --Prince Walt

We meet Yolanda, the evil fairy who made all this possible, and she wants half the operation.

"Well, let's have a look at OUR operation, PARTNER!!"

"This is DUNGEONLAND! Enjoy your stay!"

"Two million and..." "I'm BACK! They don't make 'em like they used to!"

"The SUBMARINE RIDE! Excuse the cement! It's a SAFETY precaution! The city MAKES us do it!"

"Three million and one, three..." "HELLOO!"

Souvenir shop! "That's $1.69 for the Sleeping Beauty Lasso! And you qualify for a special prize!"

"...A FREE moon rocket! Bon Voyage!"

Then--tragedy! The crowds dwindle. 

Prince Walt, despondent, tells her the ride is over, and she can have the whole thing. 

"Let's wake 'er up!" suggests never-say-die Yolanda. "Only I can't do it 'cause I'm not a fairy. Just evil!"

"I can't do it! I'm not really a prince--I couldn't afford the union card! ... I'm a HOG FLOGGER!"

Just then Sleeping Beauty sits up and opens her eyes. "I wasn't really asleep."
"Then why did you act like you were for twenty years??"

"I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF I COULD MAKE IT IN SHOW BUSINESS!"

There is no moral. The blackness of life closes in around you. We do not escape, ever.

 (Rim shot!)

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