Oh, beautiful for unmarked bills
For checks made out to me,
For money owed to trusting shills--
The dough they'll never see!
Emoluments, emoluments,
It's lovely to be me!
I'm living large on every charge
From fee to shining fee!
Emoluments from foreign lands
Large loans from many states
And aid that winds up in my hands
From foes my nation hates!
Emoluments, emoluments,
I get them all the time,
And make my job a chance to rob,
From crime to lovely crime!
Emoluments for golf course graft
I charge each time I go
I've double dipped and loudly laughed
More than you'll ever know!
Emoluments, emoluments,
By right they're mine for free
Grease crooked palms with unearned alms
That all come back to me!
Emoluments for golf cart rent
My Secret Service needs
To do their job in government
That feeds me as it bleeds.
Emoluments, emoluments,
Oh, may they never cease.
I'll be, I swear, a billionaire
From all the shills I fleece!
Emoluments from family biz
That skirts around the laws
Each grown-up child gets hers or his
Clutched firm in family paws!
Emoluments, emoluments,
That trickle through my kin
My heart goes thump at every chump:
My god, how it rolls in!
I met the ghost of Tammany
Who'd never wept before,
But tears fell fast, as "Sir," said he
"You've topped my grift, and more!
"Emoluments, emoluments,
I doff my hat to you!
You've grabbed the pelf, enriched yourself,
In ways we never knew!"
.
I am sad that this is just too accurate to be funny...
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