Toon River Returns

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It's been a while, but the epitaphs keep on coming:

RICHARD $ RICH, JR.

I had wealthy friends, but I preferred the poor kids—

Bedraggled ragamuffins with bad hair and no fashion sense. 

How they gaped at my opulence! How they thanked me

For any little crumb of generosity that trickled down.

“Kissing up,” some called it. I learned the term

From our second Cadbury, on his way out: Bitter!

They could have had an easy life if they’d kept to it,

But when their voices changed, so did their tune.

They still thanked me, but there was some edge to it

That I couldn’t abide. They thought they were entitled!

It wasn’t enough that I let them ride my golden wagon

Down a hill of gold coins and jewels any more. No,

They betrayed my trust. Small gems “accidentally” stuck 

In a shoe or a ragged pants cuff. Dishonest!

I might have even let that go unpunished, if it hadn’t been

For their miserable attitudes. Oh, we’re so poor. We’re so cold.

Our mom is so sick. Our dad got laid off at your plant.

Can’t you do something? You were our friend!

What do you mean “were,” you ingrates?

I sent them away. No sense of respect. Sad!

Who needs them? I have this huge mausoleum now:

A solid gold statue of myself by the best artist,

And my personal police force to keep out the riff-raff.

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Oi! Post number 100. Some people get to 100 in a month. It took me about nine years. We'll see how long it takes to get to 100 comments—presently at 59, and half those are me answering back.
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